Starbucks Sells Out ( Why Sonic Youth and Frappuccinos don't mix)

Section: SoundOFF

Robert Lanham

August 10, 2007—When I walk into Starbucks, there are a couple things I've come to expect: One, I'll screw up the verbiage of my Mega-Grande-Retardo- Frappalicious Mochamajig™, and two, I'll be offered the chance to purchase the latest CD from Norah Jones or Sting or some other Adult Contemporary mainstay. And I like it that way—the second part, at least. Knowing that my taste in music is still hipper than Starbucks' legion of Alanis Morissette fans has always been comforting to me.

Which is why I'm saddened—no, outraged—by the recent news that the chain has enlisted art-rock demigods Sonic Youth to do a compilation. Predictably, indie ideologues are screaming "sellout!" over the band's "betrayal" of their former anticorporate code, but they're missing the point. Sonic Youth is just trying to make a buck. It's Starbucks who's betraying us.

How am I supposed to react if the next time I order a coffee they're blasting the latest Pitchfork-approved noise rock through their formerly safe and soothing speakers? Howard Schultz, you're shaking my sense of cultural superiority to the core. What's next? Will Staples begin publishing McSweeney's? Will Red Lobster produce the next Wes Anderson film, giving away free DVDs with every popcorn shrimp basket? To paraphrase Judd Nelson, If Starbucks gets hip... they'll all get hip... it'll be anarchy.

Adding insult to injury, the compilation has a nifty ironic title, Hits Are for Squares. And alterna icons like Dave Eggers and Chloë Sevigny are apparently involved in the conspiracy: They'll be selecting the tracks to be included on the disc. Et tu, Sevigny?

I'll tolerate having 35 Starbucks on my block. I'll put up with the ludicrous drink prices. I'll even suffer the angst of the blue-haired barista. But I can't go to Starbucks and hear Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon. Starbucks are for squares, Mr. Schultz, and for the love of God let's keep it that way.